


Ill Give You My Heart (So You Can Tear It Apart)

by Byrdy0315



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Larry Stylinson Is Real, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 16:07:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3984313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Byrdy0315/pseuds/Byrdy0315
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(AU) Harry has a dream and Louis thinks its stupid.</p><p>or</p><p>Where harry is madly in love with a certain boy names Louis Tomlinson who is 100% Straight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ill Give You My Heart (So You Can Tear It Apart)

**Author's Note:**

> First strory so hope you enjot :) BTW none of this is based off their real lives!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Today's the day sweet cheeks" Louis hears his mum say. Louis gets up and for the first time of his 18 years of living and is actually excited to wake up early because today is the day where he will be free. Today he is going to Uni and is very excited. He is going to the top Uni in his country he has worked his whole life to be able to say he is a student at Oxford.

 

"Louis make sure your getting anything last minute ready. Eleanor will be over in a little bit to say goodbyes" Louis has been dating Eleanor since secondary school. Of course he loves her, well he thinks he does he has never been with anyone else and neither has Eleanor, but Louis like’s  her, she doesn't force him to do anything he isn't comfortable and same goes for her. They were both very involved in academics. Both straight A students and had the choice of any university pretty much. Eleanor kind of turned rebellious and decided she didn't exactly want to go to uni she was more into fashion so she decided to go to cosmetology which her parents were not very happy about.

 

"Hey" Louis hears a soft voice speak. He turns around and sees Eleanor she looks sad he can see she didn't sleep well she has bags under her eyes and her eyes are a little puffy like she has been crying.

 

"El, what’s wrong?" He said but he knows exactly what’s wrong him and Eleanor have been attached by the hip since secondary school it’s like they're so used to being together all the time he never really thought what it would be like.

 

"Louis you’re leaving and I'm not ready to say bye." She pauses and just looks around and he can see tears start to form when she sees there isn't much left in his room. He hears her take a deep breath. "I knew this day was coming eventually; just still wish we had some more time. I'm really going to miss you Louis"

 

Louis looks at her in the eye and he knows Eleanor loves him so much and he can see how much this is actually hurting her. "El we are not breaking up or anything we can still talk every night and we will be able to talk on the phone or face time whatever you want." Louis is kind of excited to have a little break.

 

"Your right I guess I'm just scared" He knows she wants to say more but Louis really doesn't want to hear it. Right when Eleanor was getting ready to say something else his mom comes in and says "Hey Louis we really need to go say your goodbyes"

 

Louis looks back at Eleanor and goes up to her and gives her a big hug and a kiss. "I'll miss you El and I’ll be back here in no time to see you" Louis is getting ready to walk out the door and Eleanor shouts. "Love you Lou" Louis says it back out of habit.

 

=====

 

 

When Louis finally arrives his eyes go wide and his mouth drops he is so excited and it is defiantly showing oh his face. Louis has no idea who is dorm mate is. They where suppose to meet but something came up with his family. All he knows is his name is Zayn Malik. Louis finally gets to his dorm and thinks it’s actually a bigger size then he remembers. He doesn't see anyone Else's things anywhere so he chooses the bed to the right and just sets his stuff down. "I'm so proud of you honey" Louis moms says he can hear the crack in her voice like she is going to cry.

 

 "Awl mom please don't cry I’ll see you in about two months for break." Louis says trying not show much emotion.

 

 "Your right, well I think I'm going to leave you to be and Louis I want you to enjoy yourself"

 

 "Alright mom I love you"

 

" Are you sure you don't want me to stay and help you unpack your things?"

 

"Mom I'm grown I can do it myself I love you!" Louis actually odes want her help but he also wants to just explore the campus.

 

"Your right. Just not used to you being all grown up. I love you sweetie" after that she walked out. Louis looks at his bag and sees how much stuff he brought and thinks that this is going to take a Lot longer then he thought. So instead of un packing Louis decides to just tour the campus. After he walks around for about half an hour he decides to go to the local coffee shop. Once he arrives he gets a little muffin and a latte. He checks his phone and realizes that he hasn't all day and has texts  from Eleanor. 

 

 

 

 

  Saturday 5:00pm Eleanor

 

Lou!!!! How is it? Miss you already.x

 

 Saturday 5:30pm Eleanor

 

 Have you met your room mate?x

 

 Saturday 6:10pm Louis

 

  Sorry El. Been quite busy and no haven't yet.

 

Louis puts his phone away not really caring that he didn't say he missed her or put an x. at the end of the message because he would be lying if he said he missed her.

 

 

The rest of the time he is at the coffee shops he just people watches. He loves people watching and guessing what their life is like when Louis has no idea at all. He sees a guy who looks very frat boyish and Louis just automatically think he is in a fraternity and likes to party and probably came to Oxford for the name and reputation more than for knowledge and education. Louis knew going to Oxford that mostly everyone was going to be wealthy and most likely snobby and spoiled. Louis knew he was wealthy but he never took it for granted he had to buy his own car clothes pretty much anything he has always been a hard worker. 

 

Louis all of the sudden make very awkward eye contact with frat boy so he moved his eye to his muffin and acts like he is reading the nutrition label. Then he feels someone coming closer to him so he looks up and sees the frat boy looking at him. The frat boy had very nice hair tall, he was also tall himself it was a nice brown color. He was wearing a pastel pink color shorts and a turquoise polo and thought he just looked ridiculous. Louis makes eye contact and he feels so small and uncomfortable but with Louis loud mouth he can’t just walk away.

 

 

"What?" Louis says he doesn't mean it in a rude way but he thinks it might have come out kind of sassy. The frat boy just kind of squints his eyes and gets a little smirk on his face. 

 

"Nick. Nick Grimshaw. You are?" When he heard the name Grimshaw he knew exactly that this was Peter Grimshaw son. Peter is one of Louis fathers business partners he remembers his dad trying to introduce him and Nick but Louis never like any of his father co-workers kids.

 

 

"Louis Tomlinson" After he said his name he saw a click in Nick face.

 

 

"Oh are dads are business partners I'm pretty sure. Well I'm glad you’re at Princeton. Me and some friends are meeting tonight would you like to join?" Louis just thinks all the things he has to do when he gets to his dorm so kindly declines the offer.

 

"Maybe next time but thanks for asking"

 

 

"Well alright ill sees you around Tomlinson “ and with that Louis thinks maybe the people here are not as bad as he thought.

 

 

  =====

 

Louis gets back to his dorm at around 7:30pm he is wondering if  Zayn is going to be in there or not. Once Louis walks in the first thing he sees is his stuff all over the floor.

 

 

“WHAT THE HELL" Louis says very aggravated. He looks at the bed he claimed, well the bed he thought he claimed since his stuff was on it, but now this guy is on it and he is guessing that that is Zayn his roommate...  great.

 

 

“My stuff was on that bed because I claimed it."  Zayn looks at him and just laughs like Louis is stupid.

 

 

"Want some?" Zayn said holding out a blunt.

 

"Are you offering me to smoke weed with you after you just dumped my stuff all over the ground? You have some nerve coming in here and acting like your shit, and I swear if we get in trouble for doing weed in here I will kill you." Louis is really angry this is his dorm to and he feels like it has been taken over by some strange person and Louis has no say.

 

 

"You could have just said no, and relax we are not going to get in trouble unless you keep yelling that I am smoking weed so everyone can hear. I can also easily blame that you were also smoking so please just shut the fuck up if you’re going to yell" Louis just looks at him and gives him the dirtiest look and picks his stuff off the floor and puts it on the other bed.

 

 

By the time Louis is done unpacking for the night he lays down. He gets his phone and sees that he has missed call from Eleanor but he really doesn't want to call her back so he just puts it away like he never saw anything. He looks over at Zayn well at least he thinks that's Zayn he never really introduced himself to Louis but he was passed out. Louis turned the lamp off and fell asleep a lot quicker then he thought.

=============

 

Louis wakes up to an obnoxious noise which happens to be a blow dryer. He gets up out of his bed and looks and sees Zayn doing his hair and he look at the clock and it says its 8am.

 

"Good Morning" Zayn said to Louis. Louis gave him a glare but just said "Good Morning" back.

 

 

"I'm going to lunch with a couple of lads would you like to come?" Louis thinks does Zayn not remember what happened last night or.

 

 

"Ugh I mean sure"

 

"Cool we're going at 10" Louis thinks why so early, but doesn't ask just goes with it.

 

 

"Alright"

 

 

Louis gets up and goes to the bathroom to get everything ready. It’s kind of weird not having his personal bathroom but he doesn't really care because he lived with four sisters. He gets in and there is only two other guys in there. One catches his eye he is very tall lanky is the word Louis would describe him. His hair is long and has locks. The boy is brushing his teeth and his toothbrush is pink Louis giggles a little at that. The boys leave after five minutes of Louis being in there.

 

 

 

Once Louis is all ready he sits on his bed and just looks at his phone and sees that he has more messages from Eleanor, he thinks he needs to call her but right when he is about to he hears a knock on the door and Zayn ask if he can get that. Louis doesn't bother really so he does as Zayn said. Once he opens the door he sees a very handsome lad. Thinks he has weird nose but besides that looks like a cool guy.

 

 

"Hey babe is this the roommate?" Louis turns and looks at Zayn who has a smile on his face a soft smile that looks like you can only look at someone like that who really means a lot to you.

 

 

"Yes this is Louis" Louis is quite surprised that Zayn actually knows his name or even remembers his name.

 

 

"Ah nice to meet you I'm Liam. We will probably be seeing each other quite a bit if your room mates with Zayn" Louis smiles and does a soft laugh.

 

 

"Nice to meet you" Louis says

 

 

"Zayn c'mon your hair looks great the other lads are already there we need to go" Liam says to Zayn. Zayn gets up and goes toward Liam and gives him a little peck on the lips. Louis eyes go wide because he really was not expecting that but he tries to cover how shock he is by looking down.

 

 

"Louis are you ready?" Zayn says and Louis just nods and follows the boys.

 

 

Once they arrive to the restaurant Louis just follows Liam and Zayn because they’re acting like they know exactly where they are going. Louis knows he is meeting some other lads, but has no idea what they look like and also doesn’t know what he is expecting.

 

 

"Zayn Liam!" Louis hears an Irish kid yell. He looks over and sees two guys one is looking up and has his hand in a motion of saying over here, so he guessing that is probably the Irish guy. His hair is blonde with dark roots. His hair is styled sticking up catching little glares of lights. He seems so cheerful has a huge smile on his face, and seems very inviting.

 

 

Zayn and Liam look at him and start walking towards him with little smiles on their faces. Once Louis is sat down he looks up and notices he is sat across someone who seems very absorbed to their self. Once he notices people are sitting by him he looks up with a wide smile.

 

“Harry Styles” The boy said offering a hand that Louis took and shook. He just looked at him and thinks this is the guy who was in the restroom this morning. Louis just got a little glimpse of his body but now he can see face profile. His eyes are green and he has this little smirk on his face just enough to show off his dimple. He remembers his hair form the bathroom but Louis getting a better view of it he thinks it looks soft and he just kind of wants to run his fingers through his hair.

 

“Oh and I’m Niall, Niall Horan” Louis lets go of Harrys hand and puts a smile on his face and introduces his self.

 

“Louis” he says still thinking about the boy’s curls.

 

 

“Oh yeah guys this is Louis my new roommate. Seems somewhat chill. Hope you guys didn’t mind me letting him tag along” Zayn said. They all just carry out into their own conversations and Louis just listens. He notices that Niall laughs at about everything and Harry just kind of sits there and will say something dorky every once in a while.

 

 

“So Louis why did you come to Princeton? What do you want to study and do with your life?” Liam asks.

 

 

“Well I’ve always been the top in my class and have always wanted to go her never thought or doubted myself not to go here, but I’m wanting to be a lawyer.”

 

“So you’re pretty much like everyone else here?” Niall says then laughing his ass off like there is no tomorrow.

 

 

“Ughhh I mean-“

 

 

“That sounds nice I guess. Seems you have worked hard so why be like everyone else since you say so yourself your smarter than everyone else?” Harry said and Louis is in shock that he said that to him. He thinks he has no right to say that anyone especially Louis since they just met. “Sorry if that offended you, but you do realize you can’t come in here and think your better then everyone since you where top of your class form where exactly?”

 

 

“Doncaster” Louis Sais quietly and Harry laughs quietly at that. Harry looks like he is about to open his mouth again but Liam interrupts.

 

“Well Louis sounds like you have your life planned out unlike Styles over here, which has no right to make a comment” Louis looks over at Liam and his face seems soft like he really is a good guy.

 

“I’m sorry that I don’t strive to be a doctor or a lawyer. I want to actually make a change for the world like world peace.” Harry said.

 

 

“You’re going to Oxford for world peace?” Louis says with a sarcastic look on his face.

 

 

“No I’m here because I’m smart and got a full ride here, but yes I want world peace I guess you could say that is my dream my desire for the world.” Louis just looks at him and laughs and thinks that is the most stupid thing ever.

 

 

“A place of High Ideals. Human beings co-existing together in harmony. Is what I want” Harry Said in a very demanding tone.

 

 

The table is silent “it’s a wonderful difficult aim, but not impossible.”  Harry finishes his statement and Louis just looks at Harry and thinks that is the most ridiculous thing Louis has heard.

=====================

 

 

After the lunch Louis went around campus and did some errands by the time he got  back to the dorm he was worn out, but of course all of zayns friends where there. It wasn’t that Louis disliked Zayn friends he just felt like it was hard to get along with them he felt like they didn’t really want to get to know Louis. While Louis was going around campus he couldn’t get Harry out of his head just thought there was something more to him something he was hiding. He thought it was weird how he thinks Harry already doesn’t like him by judging of what he is going to school for. When Louis walked in he made eye contact with Harry but quickly looked he could still feel Harrys eyes on him it felt like they were burning through him.

 

“Louis mate” The Irish lad said obviously already drunk.

 

“Hello” Louis replied no on said anything back to Louis they just carried on their conversations they were having before. Louis doesn’t mind really he thinks he needs to talk to Eleanor anyway.

 

“We were thinking of going to a party tonight would you like to join?” Zayn ask Louis

 

“I’m pretty tired actually but thank you for asking” The last thing Louis really want to do is go party with these guys who really don’t want to even hangout with them just ask him because they know Louis has no friends.

 

Louis takes a step outside to give a call to Eleanor. He had multiple text messages from her but never really worried enough to reply so he just decided to call her.

 

“Hello” he hears Eleanor say on the other line.

 

“El its Lou”

 

“Lou” she said after there was a pause and awkward pause “I’ve been texting you and you haven’t been replying.”

 

“I know El I’ve just been busy” Louis was going to say more but he got interrupted by her.

 

“When you left you told me you would be calling and texting me and you haven’t been. Did I do something? Lou please realizes that I’m still a part of your life.” He can hear the anger in her voice.

 

”El I know your still a part of my life I’ve just been busy okay.”

 

“You’ve already said that. I’m going to beauty school okay so I’m also busy but I’m still finding time to text you and it seem like a waste since your not event trying to reply to me, but since you’re so busy I’m going to hang up because I’m a waste of your time.”Then the line went dead.

 

Louis knew Eleanor was a huge bitch and when things didn’t go her way she through a massive fit and the only thing Louis would do is apologize and buy her something that she really likes but Louis feels like he needs to forget.

 

Louis goes back into the dorm “Actually I would love to go to that party if that’s still available” Louis says.

 

“s’course it is” Zayn says.

 

 

 

===========

 

They arrived at the party at about 10:00pm and it was not what Louis ever expected. There where people tons of people Louis felt like he was suffocated and pushed down by people he had never met. People where obviously very drunk and not in their right mind. People where just making out right in front of everyone like they didn’t even care. Louis has never seen anything like this he has never been to a huge party like this he always would just spend his weekend nights with Eleanor. Eleanor was never the partier nor drinker or anything she always looked down on people who did that.

 

All Louis wanted was to get drunk so the first place he went to was the kitchen.  He kind of like how he didn’t really have to deal with the other lads he could kind of just go off and do his own thing. Once he entered the kitchen he saw a bar full of alcohol most alcohol Louis has ever seen in his entire life. He walked toward the bar it was crowded obviously, so he just grabbed a red solo cup and grabbed whatever alcohol he could reach and filled it to the top. Not caring just wanting to get drunk and forget.

 

“Didn’t see you as the drinking type” Louis hears a voice its deep and raspy it’s a nice voice Louis thinks.

 

“Excuse me” Louis says and finally looks and the boy who was talking to him and of course it’s Harry at of all the people at this party he runs into Harry. Yeah he came here with him but they all just kind of went their own ways and the house is huge. Why Harry.

 

Harry replies with a laugh and takes a sip of his drink. Louis still hasn’t even taken one sip of his the only alcohol Louis has ever drank was champagne and has never gotten drunk always thought that was trashy. Well Eleanor thought that was trashy.

 

Louis takes a sip of his drink not even knowing what is in his drink. Louis swallows it and he feels the burn down his throat and he thinks he is going to throw up but he just chokes and coughs like he is dying.

 

“And I was right you’re not” Harry said “What are you even drinking?”

 

“I don’t know I just grabbed and poured “Louis said with his throat still burning .

 

Harry once again laughs at Louis like he is stupid and once he is about to say something someone comes over.

 

“Harry” they say “Oh Louis”

 

Louis looks up realizing who exactly it is and it’s Nick.

 

“You two know each other?” Nick ask.

 

“Yeah he is roommates with Zayn” Harry replies Louis just kind of stays silent thinking they don’t really want Louis to even say anything so he doesn’t.

 

“Well I came over here to steel Harry so I hope that’s not a problem Louis.” Louis thinks why that would be problem.

 

“Please steel him “Louis laughs at that because he thinks he is funny and Nick also laughs Harry just kind of looks at him and Louis can’t really read his face.

 

Louis is alone again and walks around the party to see if he can recognize anyone else. Everyone is with someone earthier dancing or making out. Everyone is having fun but Louis. Louis looks over and sees Zayn and Liam dancing together they are all over each other and they looks so happy and Louis knows he never looked that happy with anyone not even Eleanor.

 

Louis hears an Irish voice and knows its Niall he is singing but Louis can’t really understand what he is saying. Niall sees Louis and motions his hand for Louis to come over. When Louis comes over Niall gives him a drink and tells him he needs to loosen up. Louis takes a sip of that drink and this time he doesn’t almost die.  It taste a lot better than the one he took a sip from before. By no time Louis started to feel very tipsy and started to let loose and dance.

 

Louis feels a body rubbing on him he turns around and sees Harry. Harry is dancing with Louis and Louis knows he needs to walk away right now but cant. He likes it but knows he shouldn’t and it’s all just going to a blur.

 

Harry is no longer behind Louis and Louis wishes he still was. He looks for Harry he doesn’t know why shouldn’t even care where Harry is but he does. He sees Nick making out with someone pushed against the wall. Louis takes a step closer and sees its Harry and Louis doesn’t know why but he gets a feeling in his stomach. He felt guilty because he knew he shouldn’t have anger towards Nick right now but he does. Louis didn’t even know Harry was gay and now that he does everything has changed he is having different feelings towards him feelings he shouldn’t feel but feelings he has never felt for Eleanor who he has loved for the past years. He doesn’t even know Harry he has said an average of ten words to Harry and he feels like he is shutting down.

 

 

==========

 

Louis wakes up to someone carrying him he is very confused on what is happening. Everything is so groggy and Louis doesn’t remember anything. He looks up and sees a head of curly hair and knows it’s Harry and Louis has no idea where he is taking him or why he is carrying him. The next thing Louis feels is him being put into bed with blankets covering him. He hears a glass full of water sat on a stand next to his bed. He feels a hand pushing his hair back and thumbs rubbing his cheek bone. It was like velvety skin rubbing his face it was like he never could forget how the touch felt, the touch had a memory. The rubbing stopped and Louis thought for sure Harry had left but a little after he hears him whisper “Goodnight Louis” and Louis falls asleep right after with a smile he can’t remove.

 

============

 

 

Once Louis wakes up he doesn’t really remember anything from last night. His head is really fuzzy. He looks at the side table next to his bed and sees water. He takes a sip and it all comes back to him. He remembers Harry carrying him and rubbing his face it’s something he can’t forget, it was real Louis knows it was real but doesn’t know what to think of it.

 

Louis looks over to see if Zayn is awake but all he sees is him and Liam cuddled together looking like they aren’t waking up anytime soon. Louis decide to just go to the bathroom he grabs all his stuff. He gets to the bathroom and there are just a couple of other people in there. Louis washes his face and brushing his teeth. He looks in the mirror and sees Harry. Harry with a towel wrapped around his waist freshly showered. Harry hasn’t noticed Louis and doesn’t know what he will do when he does notice him.

 

Louis is so confused. Him and Harry haven’t really talked and don’t know where their friendship stands, but he knows there is something about Harry he can’t put his finger on, but doesn’t know what last night meant. Louis thinks he is just over thinking everything. It probably meant nothing and was just something friends do for each other when they’re totally wasted. Louis thinks he would have done that for any of the other guys. Like the lads from back home he would definitely carry them if he saw them passed out drunk and tuck them into their bed and get them water, but not rub there face, but Louis thinks it would be weird if anyone else did that to him but when he thinks of Harry doing that he get a feeling in his stomach he can’t explain and a smile he can’t help.

 

“Sleep well?” Harry says and Louis just freezes. Why is he so awkward why can’t he say anything back? Harry is just looking at him with just a towel on and Louis can’t concentrate. He looks at Harry’s eyes his green eyes that just have this sparkle in them that he has never seen in anyone else’s eyes.

 

“Uh u Ugh Yes thank you” Louis stutters like a dork.

 

“Well seemed like you had fun last night. Finally found alcohol you could actually swallow?” Harry giggles after his comment. He actually giggled and Louis thinks it’s adorable.

 

“Yeah thanks to Niall.” Louis says with a little laughter behind his words. Harry doesn’t say anything back he just looks at Louis and smiles.

 

Louis gathers his stuff and takes a shower. When he is done Harry is no longer in the bathroom, and Louis thinks he can finally function correctly again.

 

 

==========

 

When Louis is all dressed he thinks he can go back to that coffee shop h went to on his first day. He needs some breakfast and coffee.

 

On his way he checks his phone and sees he has text from Eleanor.

 

  Eleanor

 

 

  Louis I’m sorry I didn’t mean to get mad please call me.

 

  Eleanor

 

  I love you so much never forget that.

 

  Eleanor

 

  Louis please calls me. I’m worried.

 

 

Louis thinks he will call her when he gets to the little coffee shop. When he arrives to the coffee shop he smells coffee and the smell of coffee just brightens the mood already. Louis waits in line and looks to see what he wants. Once he knows he orders and while he is waiting for his order he sees Harry. It looks like Harry was already looking at Louis before he noticed Harry. When Louis made eye contact with Harry smiled at him like he wanted Louis to sit with him. Louis thinks why not. Louis thinks the phone call can wait a little longer.

 

When Louis sits Harry just looks at him with a little side smile.

 

“Curly” Louis says

 

“Curly is that what you call me?”  Harry laughs.

 

“Do you come her a lot?” Louis ask.

 

“Yeah when I was younger I worked at a bakery so this kind of reminds me of home a little.” Harry says. Louis can hear a voice change in Harrys.

 

“Do you miss home?” Louis ask.

 

“God know that place is like hell, when I was younger I loved working. Well I loved being away from the house so I would go to the bakery where I worked. It would get my mind off of things.” Louis just wants to know more and more.

 

“Wow I’m sorry” is all Louis can say doesn’t really know how to respond.

 

“Humph” Harry makes noise and just looks at Louis. “I’m sure you’re really sorry.” And Louis really wasn’t excepting this to happen. Louis doesn’t understand Harry for a second he will be nice and he just changes.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You know how I told you my dream was for world peace and you thought that was stupid?” Harry pauses but not long enough for Louis to reply. “Well I guess by when I say world peace I mean more of equality” Louis doesn’t say anything knowing by the look on Harry’s face he is going to say more. “I grew up in a bad home. It wasn’t always bad. It used to be amazing loving happy felt safe there, but when I was sixteen my dad walked in on me fucking my boyfriend and I thought my life was over. My dad beat the guy up me was seeing. Still haven’t seen him since that day. My dad hit me until blood was all over my face. Yelled at me saying I was a disappointment and that I was discussing and no one will ever love me because I was a faggot. The last thing my dad ever said to me was he can’t wait for me to be in hell so I will realize how much the world hates me.” Louis doesn’t even know what to think.

 

“Did you ever say anything back to him?” Louis says. Harry laughs.

 

“I said ‘see you there’ and then I just walked out”

 

“What did your mom say?”

 

“She was too afraid to do anything because of my dad. She will send things to me every once in a while but won’t ever call me or meet me anywhere.” Harry looks at Louis In the eyes and Louis can see the pain in Harry’s eyes. “I know kids will be disowned by their parents just because they’re gay and it was worst feeling of my entire life and I don’t want kids to have to go through that. I don’t really know what I can do to help them, but I’ll do anything to.” Louis feels like the worst human being ever laughing at him for wanting world peace when he didn’t even know him.

 

“God Harry I’m so sorry I didn’t know I-“Harry doesn’t let Louis finish.

 

“It’s fine you’re not the first person.” That made Louis get a knot in his stomach.

 

“Well I mean are you happy now? With Nick?” Louis says.

 

“Nick? “ Harry asked very confused.

 

“Yeah I mean you guys where together last night?” Harry laughs at Louis.

 

“He just uses me for sex. Me and him have no connection what so ever” Theirs awkward silence after Harry says that.

 

“Sorry I just thought-“

 

“You think a lot you know” Harry says and Louis just laughs and Harry eventually joins in.

 

“Do you want to get out of here?” Harry ask and Louis does he really does.

 

“Yeah”

 

==================

 

 

 

When Louis is walking with Harry, Harry is walking a lot faster and Louis just kinda stares at him and looks at what he is wearing. He is wearing a t-shirt that says Oxford and his sleeves are rolled and Louis favorite part of the outfit it the headband Harry is wearing to keep his curly locks out of his face.

 

They arrive at this door and Louis suspects its Harrys dorm. When Harry opens the door he lets Louis in first and Louis looks around and thinks one side is very neat and then the other side is very dirty.

 

“Excuse the mess it’s what happens when you live with and Irish lad.” Harry laughs.

 

They both sit on the bed and it’s silent but not awkward.

 

“I should get you drunk more often. You’re a lot looser.” Harry says and Louis doesn’t know if that’s a compliment or what.

 

“Well you did seem to like my dancing” Louis says with a smirk on his face looking at Harry. Harry laughs and looks at Louis. All Louis notices is that sparkle in Harrys eyes. The green in Harrys eyes was like that passionate green that the ocean turns during a storm, or the green after it rains in a rainforest. The green color that brings hope and life no matter what had happened.

 

Silence the world is only focusing on them. When Harry looks at me in the eyes it’s like we’re speaking but no words are coming out. Harry starts to lean forward and Louis hears his heart beat start to beat faster. He feels Harrys lips barely touch his it’s like Harry is making sure it’s okay and Louis knows it’s not he is in love with his girlfriend but he can’t seem to care. Louis lets Harry. When Harry opens Louis mouth Louis feels a sensation of new begins. Feelings he has never felt with Eleanor. Louis heart stopped and in that moment I felt like I was the only thing that mattered in the entire world.

 

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Louis heart is racing while he is walking through the hall he can’t think straight he can’t concentrate on anything. All he knows is he just kissed a guy and isn’t gay and is in love with his girlfriend. Louis is racing to get out of that place and into his bed.

When Louis knows he is close to his dorm he feels better. He opens the door and sees Eleanor on his bed and doesn’t know what to think. He feels a relief. He is glad she is here he needs her, so he can show himself he loves her and that he likes kissing her and likes girls.

Louis remembers he was supposed to call Eleanor and he totally forgot. When Eleanor noticed Louis coming in she turned around and looked at him with tears in her eyes and Louis remembers they didn’t end on good terms.

“El what are you doing here? What’s wrong?” Louis asking but knowing what is wrong.

“Lou you never reply to me. It’s like once you came here you forgot about me, you forgot about us.” Louis thinks he kind of did she was never really on his mind.

“No I’ve just been stressed out El. I would never forget you.”

“God Louis. That’s not an excuse to why you can’t send me one simple text back. This relationship is real it’s not something you can sign in and out of whenever you want. I’m a priority.” Louis feels bad he really does. When Louis is about to reply someone comes in the door.

“Louis ugh who is this?” Zayn says. Louis knows he hasn’t told any of the boys he has a girlfriend. It just kind of slipped his mind.

“I’m Eleanor, Louis girlfriend” and he notices how it looks like she wasn’t crying and has the biggest smile on her face.

“Hmmm well Louis hasn’t said much about you.” Zayn says and Louis just thinks fuck. “But you should come to dinner and meet everyone; they’ll be excited to see you.” And Louis thinks he is going to have to face Harry who he just kissed like thirty minutes ago with his girlfriend who no one knows about.

 

================

On the way to the restaurant I tried my hardest to not show how nervous I was, but on the inside I felt a sea of anxiety deep down.  When Louis stepped into the restraunt his legs felt like jello. He just followed Zayn, and Eleanor was grabbing his hand like she owned him it wasn’t like she was holding his hand because she loved him or because she cared deeply for him it was like he was her animal or slave and she was in charge and he couldn’t run away.

Louis saw Harry before the boy saw him; Louis could tell something was on Harrys mind, but still Harrys eyes just made Louis feel better. His smile and the little giggle he does when you think he isn’t listening but really he is, and he makes you feel stupid, but still like you matter.

Harry looked at Louis and smiled at him, Louis thought he was beautiful and everything else was nothing, but then Harry saw Louis hand intertwined with Eleanor and his face changed to pure sadness.

When Louis sits Harry won’t even look at him. Louis thinks Harry might not even be breathing by the looks of it.

“Who is this pretty lady?” Niall says

“I’m Eleanor” Louis is thankful Eleanor said something because Louis really doesn’t think he can talk right now. “Louis girlfriend” Girlfriend Louis thinks and everyone just kind of goes silent and it’s the most awkward thing Louis has ever experienced. The only thing Louis can think to do is look at Harry and when he does his hearts breaks.

“Tommo has a girlfriend?”

“I guess I’m just not that important to talk about with your friends” Eleanor says with a sarcastic laugh after.

“Well for how long have you guys been together?”

“Since secondary school” Eleanor pauses “New I loved him when I first met him” Louis thinks this is ridiculous no she didn’t.

When Eleanor is getting ready to say something Harry dismisses himself to the restroom.

“I’m going to take a run to the loo be back in a second.” Louis follows his without saying anything.

When Louis is walking to the restroom his palms are sweaty and he can’t think straight he doesn’t know what to expect or what to happen.

“Harry” Louis says “Can we please talk?” Louis just stands there for about five minutes with no reply, but he needs to talk to Harry. Louis finally hears the stall open and he sees Harry. Harry won’t even look at him.

“Harry please-“

“Please what forgive you? “

“Forgive me for giving you the wrong message.” Louis says and then there it is Harrys face changes completely. He actually looks at Louis with anger like he is getting ready to break.”

“You want me to forgive you for giving me the wrong message? Are you fucking kidding me? You don’t care that you kissed me earlier or anything then shows up with a girlfriend?” Harry yells at Louis

“I mean that too I want you to forgive me for that too.”

“I will never forgive you for giving me the wrong message because I don’t think you did.” Louis heart stops and doesn’t know what to say so he doesn’t say anything. “You gave me the exact message you wanted  to Louis. You’re fucking Gay.” Louis freezes

“I’m not though it was a in the moment thing.”

“Oh so when you’re in the moment you kiss random dudes god”

“I have a girlfriend I love Eleanor.”

“Nothing is wrong with you being Gay, you can’t help it.”

“But I’m not Gay what don’t you understand?”

“What I don’t understand is why privilege dicks like you who are gay and come from loving families are in such denial with their selves and think that since you have a girlfriend that you peck on the cheek every once in a while you’re in love.” Harry just pauses for a long time with his eyes watery and so so so much anger in them. “My dad beat me and kicked me out when he found out, but I was still me. Don’t ever say you have a hard life because you don’t. Your just lying to yourself.” And with that Harry leaves.

==================

 

Louis can’t move. He can’t even think. He walks out of the restroom acting like nothing happened. He looks at the table and notices that Harry isn’t there.

“Where’s Harry?” Liam says with concern in his voice.

“M’not sure”

Liam just looks at him knowing something happened, but also knowing not to ask. Louis sits next to Eleanor and doesn’t talk much the rest of the time.

============

 

“Ugh Louis I’m so excited for this party, it’s my first real uni party experience.”

Louis is annoyed he doesn’t want to party nor be with Eleanor at this party.

“El you’re not going to like it. There is a bunch of alcohol and you don’t even drink.”

“And you have?” Eleanor says

“I have.” Louis says, with no emotion just wanting the conversation to end.

“Louis what is your fucking deal?” Eleanor says loudly.

“What do you mean?”

“That’s what I mean. Your being short with me and haven’t even had a good conversation with me. Did you even miss me?”

“Eleanor stops. I’m not in the mood for your bitchiness.”

“My bitchiness? I don’t know what has gotten into you, but whatever it is keep it to yourself and not put me down with you.” Eleanor is silent and Louis has nothing more to say. All of a sudden a knock at the door happens and Louis knows it Liam and Zayn.

“LETS GO MOFOS” and Niall.

=============

 

WIP

 


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